typing here seemed to help when I was in a fucked up phase so here goes. Hopefully writing stuff down here helps me to sleep without drinking. Sure as hell don’t want to go through another drinking binge. First of all let me say, I think my life fucking sucks. Like honestly. All my friends, people who will never give up on me, who will always be there for me, are on the other side of the damn island, we still have each other but it’s just different. Once school starts some of them will be closer by though so hopefully that’ll get a bit better. and the only person who matters on this side, cliched but also the love of my life always wants to give up. I just tried showing her that her way is wrong, and a shit load of mess happened. I lied. Feelings can’t go away. When I really love some one it lasts a very long time, maybe forever. I don’t know yet because I think she is actually my first real love. Everything is jumbled up right now and I’m not sure how to express myself but I’m just really scared and disappointed. On top of all that, I couldn’t get in the course I wanted and I’m stuck in miserable business. Oh and there’s the fact that something catastrophic could happen in 24 days. So tell me, what reason is there to be happy?

It’s been a long trip. By that I mean me being away from my true self. More than a year it seems. But slowly piece by piece I began to come back and now I understand. You can’t try to change who you really are. I’m surprised it too me so long but better late than never. No more moping, no more feeling sorry for myself, no more hesitating, no more making bad decisions, no more holding on to the undeserving, no more running, no more lying to myself. I’m back. And this world better be ready.